There’s a lot of misconceptions when it comes to lubrication and sex. Some people think that women get immediately wet in the same way men can almost immediately get hard.
Furthermore, even after a woman starts getting wet, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s ready for penetration. Women’s arousal is a process that really starts in the brain.
By now, you probably know that every woman is different when it comes to not only sex, but also preparing for sex. And hopefully, by now, you also know how important foreplay is before engaging in intercourse, especially for a woman.
But if you’re still subscribing to the notion that simply kissing her neck or barely touching her will make her lubricated and ready-to-go, then it’s time for a lesson in female lubrication.
I believe women have a strong selective nature, most of us are sapiosexuals and this can be proven by how strictly a woman selects a man to get intimate with and the amount of certain checkmarks & requirements that a man needs to meet have in order for them to have said woman literally and figuratively open herself up.
So yes bro, there are some guidelines that you must follow need to master if you want to be a strong masculine man and attract women.
1) Mindset shift: You need to establish rapport first. Only from there can you get to the action phase. To build rapport, speak to her. Ask her questions about how her day went, how’s work doing, make a joke, try to make her smile. If you compliment her on something specific, "Hey, your hair looks really good" and just smile, do you think she will be rude to you? Of course probably not. Unless she’s a bitch, in which case you may want to either move on, or up your game if she’s shit-testing you. So keep this in mind. Rapport comes first. Show her that you care. Make her laugh. Be a gentleman.
2) Make her feel safe with you If a woman does not feeling safe around you, you are not getting laid. Provide a safe environment by being a gentleman, present and showing kind gestures. Show her that you can protect her. We want to feel that if the end of the world comes, that you’ve got us.
Men with a strong masculine energy and high level of self-awareness will understand this deeply.
3) Let her know that you can dominate and lead her. This domination starts by the way you grab her with your hands and arms. You are the one that needs to shows her who is leading, who the man is.
Grab her with both of your hands in the waist-hips area while you look her straight in the eyes. Once you have rapport, place one hand in her neck. If she’s feeling you, she will allow you and become vulnerable.
Women love being man-handled, but only after there is rapport and she feels safe. If you have never done this, follow the steps above and ask for feedback.
Look her in the eye
Approach from the front
Have a Smile
Creepy, unsure moves Fast or jerky reactions
Never approach her from behind (unless you have a HUGE amount of rapport). Don't be in her face all the time, give her space.
Don’t try to over-compensate.
Don’t be needy.
6) OUTCOME INDEPENDENCE Expressing your best self, NOT impressing. You have to own the frame and with that, once rapport has developed, she will enter it. That’s when you own her.
Article by Paloma De la Hoz
Psychology & Sex mentor
Published in The Private Lens Magazine March 17, 2022
Today I turn 29, and despite the number listed on my IDs and the forms I fill out, I personally still don’t feel 29. In fact, I don’t think others believe it either as I am consistently asked, almost on a daily basis to either confirm my age, show my ID or prove that I am not “22y/o” or in some cases younger. I must say, I appreciate the compliment, and all my life I’ve told people that I have some sort of “factory fault”, so I’d like to thank my parents for the good genes.
But good genes don’t do much if they are not partnered with good habits. There’s some stuff that I’ve done consistently along the way that have helped me too. I want to share them here in case they can help you as well.
1. Drink lots of water and practice physical activity regularly: sometimes we underestimate the power of good habits and how positively they can impact our lives. Discipline and constancy are key.
2. Keep your inner child alive: this is important in order to be a stable adult.
3. Leave your hometown and your parents’ house in your 20’s or as soon as you can.
4. Don’t be afraid to leave toxic relationships: it’ll feel like the end of the world but it is just the beginning of something better. There are partners that give you wings and there are partners that are anchors. Learn the difference and act accordingly.
5. Buy some bitcoin and never sell it. Ten years from now you will thank me. Also ignore all the shitcoins.
6. The greatest gift to yourself is for you to be comfortable alone with your thoughts.
7. You are the result of the people you hang out with. Choose wisely. Don’t settle for shitty company.
8. Stretch a lot.
9. Take direct sunlight everyday.
10. Quit birth control pills and use other methods. Before having kids get some plants and a pet.
11. In order to enhance your level of self-awareness meditate more, heal your childhood wounds, raise your vibe, practice morning rituals, affirmations, learn the difference between religion and spirituality.
12. Stay curious: your 20’s are the era to try new things and to be open to new experiences. Never settle. Do whatever you want to do because people are going to have their own opinions anyway.
13. Quit perfumes and start using essential oils.
14. Learn which are your gifts in life and use them in your favor.
15. You are going to receive more support from people that don’t know you.
This is a hard pill to swallow but accepting this is key. Instead be an example and support your friends and family more than you support famous people you don’t know.
16. Forgive your parents. They did the best they could do. It may not be good enough but it was their best… and accept the fact that the older they get the more stubborn.
17. Nothing will have you more depressed than a shitty job. Quit and create a business. Don’t be afraid to fail, you are going to either succeed or learn.
18. Identify your core values.
19. Act from a place of love. Karma is real, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Don’t be selfish.
20. Holding grudges will only make you look old. Learn to let go.
21. Get the damm tattoo.
22. Control your emotions and become aware of them. Never give someone the power of controlling your mood. No one deserves that.
23. Lift heavy weights and eat meat.
24. Work hard and hustle but family comes first. There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman that serves her family.
25. Stay in your feminine energy. Be kind to other women. Create bonds with soul-sisters and surround yourself with supportive women. Hating women will only make you look old, fat and ugly.
26. Mindset is everything. Be aware of your self-talk. Overthinking will kill you. Learn the difference between being distracted and being “depressed”. You don’t need psychopharmaceuticals you just need to be dropped in a desert in Africa to actually appreciate what you have in life.
27. Communicate. If you don’t know how, educate yourself and learn some communication skills. If you grew up in a purity culture, don’t be afraid of direct communication about sex. Ask everything.
28. Read more and listen to podcasts. Especially Jordan Peterson & Tony Robbins.
29. Start journaling.
Article by Paloma De la Hoz
Psychology & Sex mentor
Published in The Private Lens Magazine November 9, 2021
As simple as this question sounds and feels, and as obvious as the answer may seem to most of us, defining “Orgasm” as a word, it is used to describe how something tastes.
The more technical definition offered in the Kinsey Reports is “the expulsive discharge of neuromuscular tensions at the peak of sexual response”. Perhaps the most interesting of all characterizations is the one that was offered by John Money: “The Zenith of the sexuoerotic experience that men and women characterize subjectively as voluptuous rapture or ecstasy.”
An orgasm occurs simultaneously in the brain/mind and the pelvic genitalia of both men and women.To understand the bodily processes associated with an orgasm one must know the internal and external clitoris, as well as other parts of the female genital anatomy (the inner lips, for example, contain erectile tissue).
This tissue is similar to that found in the male penis. Erectile tissue has especial capillaries that let the blood flow in but not out during sexual excitement.
The blood going into but not out of erectile tissue creates tension that builds up to a very high point. Orgasm occurs when powerful, rhythmic muscle contractions release that tension, forcing the accumulated blood out and preventing additional blood from coming in.
The muscles that contracts are called pelvic floor muscles. Bodily changes during orgasm are not limited to rhythmic genital contractions, however. Other changes include contractions of muscles in other parts of the body (fingers and toes curling), increased breathing and heart rate and various forms of myotonia, including facial grimaces.
Additionally, during orgasm, pleasure-promoting neurochemicals are released, and the brain also generates chemicals involved in attachment, such as oxytocin and prolactin.
Importantly, recent brain research indicates that leading up to orgasm, parts of the brain associated with conscious thought turn off, resulting in brain waves that resemble a meditative-like state (Prause, 2017).
Whereas prior research seemed to indicate that these brain areas turn off during orgasm (Komisaruk & Whipple, 2005) this recent research, using more sophisticated methodology, seems to indicate that these parts of the brain turn off before orgasm and may turn on again during orgasm, thereby pulling one out of this trance-like state.
This research points to the idea that is not orgasm that triggers deactivation in the brain, but that deactivation in the brain is necessary to trigger orgasm.
Regarding the stimulation that triggers orgasm, some women orgasm from non-genital stimulation (of the nipples, for example) and there have been reports of women who can reach orgasm from fantasy alone. Yet the most common type of stimulation that triggers orgasm is genital, clitoral to be more specific.
Female Orgasm Disorder (FOD)
The American Psychiatric Association defines female orgasm disorder (FOD) based in 3 dimensions; frequency, timing and intensity. For a woman to receive a diagnosis of FOD, orgasm must be delayed, attenuated, rare or never experienced.
Furthermore, a diagnosis is not given for transient fluctuations in sexual response, so difficulty experiencing orgasm must occur in the majority of sexual situations over a significant period of time (6 months, for example, not just days).
Duration is one such factor, as it is important to know whether a woman has at one time been orgasmic and now is not. These subtypes are often referred to in the literature as primary and secondary anorgasmia, respectively.
Second, the scope of the orgasmic dysfunction must also be identified, so that is clear whether and under what conditions there is the ability to experience orgasm (including partnered or solo sexual activity and type of stimulation).
Also note that for many women, orgasm comes easily in masturbation but not during sex with a partner, whether male or female. A third specifier is if the woman has never experienced an orgasm under any situation.
Fourth, it must be specified whether the woman experiences mild, moderate or severe distress concerning her orgasm issues. As noted earlier, orgasm concerns caused by inadequate sexual stimulation do not qualify for a diagnosis of FOD.
Treatment of Orgasm Issues
Treatment of orgasm concerns should coincide with assessment of what is causing, contributing to, or maintaining the problem. The majority of sexual problems can be solved without intensive therapy.
There are cases that are particularly “uncomplicated cases” such as those caused by lack of knowledge or insufficient stimulation during partner sex.
Case of insufficient stimulation during partner sex raise the question of partner involvement in treating women with orgasm concerns.
While there is limited data on the efficacy of couple versus individual therapy, the current recommendation is that if the woman is able to orgasm during self-stimulation but not partner sex (secondary anorgasmia, for example) the partner should be involved in treatment.
The Misconceptions/Myths Around The Female Orgasm
#1: Sex without orgasm = failure. Having an orgasm is an incredible sensation, but it doesn’t have to be the end-all-be-all, singular goal of sex. Getting busy can still be a supremely pleasurable, bonding, and relaxing experience regardless of whether it concludes with a climax.
#2: Multiple orgasms are not achievable. Multiple orgasms are real and possible, they only require being present, the right stimulation, trust in your partner and lots of chemistry, polarity and attraction.
#3: All women can achieve orgasms by penetration alone. This is one of the biggest misconceptions around orgasms. Only close to 20% of women can achieve orgasms by penetration alone. The majority needs manual stimulation of the clitoris and penetration to orgasm. Other women may get off by having anal sex or even by having their nipples and breasts stimulated well enough for long enough.
The science of sexology is still new. There’s a lot still unclear about “The Big O”. But we are on our way there. If you or your partner are struggling with achieving orgasm, I recommend clear communication, sex education, mindfulness and seeking professional help if you think you need it.
Article by Paloma De la Hoz
Psychology & Sex mentor
Published in The Private Lens Magazine October 11, 2021
I remember the first time I went topless on a beach back in the Dominican Republic in January 2017. I was having a good time with a friend when a group of men arrived (some of them I knew) and at that moment I didn’t notice that some of them recorded me while tanning topless and sent those photos on group chats.
Later I found out about the videos and I remember the horrible things that they were saying about me in the chats; that I was a slut… and much “worse” lol. I’ve always felt comfortable being naked. I remember telling my mom at around age 4 to take naked pictures of me. Come on… what’s the big deal?…I came to this world completely naked after all. I believe every woman has the right to go topless on a beach. At the end of the day it is her body and her choices. For her alone to make.
What really surprises me here is that most men in our society believe they have the right to tell a woman what they can or cannot do with her body. But never the other way around. At some point, I honestly questioned myself. I analyze everything and I tend to overthink my own behaviors, preferences and manners. It is part of getting to know myself.
I ask myself if that incident at the beach was my fault… or could it have something to do with the awful sex education for all genders, the slut shaming, the beauty standards, the over- sexualization of women, the media, pornography, societal norms, censorship, the patriarchy, body shaming and many other problems we live with since the beginning of time.
Nah… You’re right! Definitely my fault for being so sexy.
I came to the conclusion that from the moment we are born, women are told what to do. Don’t show much skin, cover up. We are faced with an endless stream of contradictory advice that we HAVE to follow just so that other people don’t do bad things to us. It is not our responsibility to not be sexy or to follow the rules, it is other people’s responsibility to not be a**holes.
To do that, we need to separate being nude from being sexy, allowing women to be themselves in their body’s, however it may look or feel.. If you’re a sexist reading this and you’re not quite convinced and think women should look and act exactly according to your ideals so you can carry on shouting at them in the street, think of it like this: the more comfortable women are in their bodies, the sexier they’ll feel and act, and above all, be. That means better sex for you. So it is basically a win-win scenario for all parties.
Let’s start making a change by normalizing nudity (and female pleasure). It’s time to let women do whatever we want to do. A nude is not reserved for being sexy for another person. Let’s educate everyone that tells women we have to look and/or act a certain way.
How? Invalidating the language and sexism our society has been built upon from the beginning up until now and instead celebrating femininity and nudity in its many forms. It’s time to let women do whatever we wanna do. A nude is not reserved for being sexy or for another person, say no to “send nudes” and yes to being nude.
Stop sexualizing nudity.
Article by Paloma De la Hoz
Psychology & Sex mentor
Published in The Private Lens Magazine August 8, 2021
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